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Keeping Children Healthy and Happy During a Divorce
When two adults divorce, you have to make a lot of changes in a relatively short period of time: where you live, who you live with, how you manage your money, who your friends are, and so on. As hard as it is to deal with all of these changes as an adult, imagine how much more difficult it can be for a child who has no control over custody and parenting time decisions.
What can you do to keep your children healthy and happy despite the divorce? Here is some simple advice compiled by the Oakland County Friend of the Court agency with input from professionals who have helped hundreds of divorcing families.
1. Stick to a routine.
Make “predictability” a top priority. Stick to pre-divorce routines for mealtimes, bedtimes, chores, etc. wherever you can. Establish new routines to help the children maintain regular contact with both parents, as well as their friends and other relatives.
Why Does Michigan Have a Waiting Period for Divorce?
With our lives running on Internet time — in minutes, not months — you may well wonder why there is a two- to six-month minimum waiting period between the initial filing and the finalization of a Michigan divorce.
Here are four good reasons the law requires these waiting periods and how they can actually benefit you.
1. Opportunity for Reconciliation
Marital tension can sometimes build up to the point of eruption, with a decision to divorce made in the heat of anger and frustration. A waiting period gives the couple time to cool off and reconsider whether divorce is really the solution they want.
Once a divorce complaint is filed in court, the looming reality of separation can trigger couples to begin talking about their issues in a new way. Or the spouse who initiated the divorce may move out of the family home and realize that life alone is not what they thought it would be. The waiting period allows the couple time to explore the possibility of reconciliation.
Who Gets Wedding Rings and Family Heirlooms in a Divorce?
The wedding ring handed down from your husband’s grandmother. The antiques from your wife’s family that were inherited during your marriage. Expensive purses and jewelry given by a husband’s mother to his wife as Christmas gifts. These are all examples of items that have both sentimental and financial value which can become bones of contention during a divorce. How do Michigan courts typically divide such items?
Engagement Rings
Michigan courts have ruled that if a couple breaks off their engagement prior to the wedding ceremony, the giver (purchaser) gets the ring back. Fault is not a factor here; that is, it does not matter who broke off the engagement or if one person was more to blame than the other.
However, once a couple is legally wed, the recipient gets to keep the engagement ring, as it is considered a permanent gift at that point.
Adopting a Stepchild in Michigan: Benefits and Process
If you have been helping to raise your spouse’s children for some time now, you probably consider them “your” children already, even if they are not “yours” biologically and legally. Obviously, you cannot do anything about the biological part. But have you thought about legally adopting your stepchildren?
Benefits of Stepparent Adoption
You might choose to adopt your spouse’s child for any or all of these reasons:
- To secure for you all the legal rights of a parent to make healthcare, educational, and other decisions on behalf of the child. This could be crucial if the child has a medical emergency.
- To protect your long-term rights as a parent in case of divorce or the death of your spouse. This could become urgent should your spouse become seriously ill.
Three Advantages of Being First to File for Divorce
Are you thinking about a divorce, but are unsure if you want to be the one to actually start the legal process? This might tip you into action: The spouse who files for divorce first has several advantages over the other spouse.
1. Choosing the Court Location
When you file for divorce, you must do it in the state and county where you currently live. Suppose that you currently live in Oakland County, Michigan, and the person you are divorcing has recently moved to Illinois. If you file first, your divorce will be handled in the Oakland County court. But if your spouse files first, your divorce will be handled by a court in Illinois, which could prove very inconvenient for you.
Note that each state has its own residency requirements for divorce. For a Michigan divorce, you must have lived in the state for at least 180 days and in your county for at least 10 days. In contrast, Illinois only requires 90 days of residency prior to filing for divorce.
Can Your Spouse Prevent Your Divorce by Refusing to Sign the Papers?
In the rom-com movie “Sweet Home Alabama,” Melanie (played by Reese Witherspoon) wants a divorce, but Jake (Josh Lucas) has refused to sign the papers for seven years. While Hollywood movies are not always known for their realism, this particular plot point may leave many wondering: could a resistant spouse really hold up a divorce proceeding for that long, just by refusing to sign a piece of paper?
In Michigan, you may be relieved to know, the short answer is “no.” If one spouse wants a divorce, the other spouse cannot prevent it. If your spouse refuses to participate in the process, your divorce can be finalized within a matter of months.
Signatures Required for a Michigan Divorce
There are several points in the Michigan divorce process when legal documents have to be signed. But there is also a defined process for what happens if one spouse refuses to participate in the process. Here is how that works:
3 Things to Do if You Are Unexpectedly Served with Divorce Papers
Most married people naturally assume that they will have some warning of marital problems--a discussion about marriage counseling, perhaps, or mention of a trial separation--before anyone actually takes legal action. Yet quite a few people are completely surprised when they are served with divorce papers.
What should you do if your spouse files for divorce unexpectedly? Here are three things you can do after being served with Michigan divorce papers:
1. Give Yourself a Little Breathing Space
Upon receiving divorce papers, you may feel furious, tearful, sick to your stomach with anxiety, or all of these. Giving yourself a day or two to recover before taking any further actions can help you process the emotional upheaval and prepare for how best to respond.
2. Start By Reading the Summons and Complaint Pages
Ex Etiquette: Keeping Things Civil During and After Divorce
The vast majority of divorcing and divorced spouses do not want to fight. However, a dynamic of disagreeableness, once started, can be very tough to change. If you are in this situation, what can you do? We have two suggestions for you.
First, consider working with an attorney who practices collaborative law. This practice was developed to help couples resolve highly contentious issues in a divorce without having to resort to litigation, where key decisions about the couple’s future get made by a judge.
Collaborative Divorce Starts With an Agreement, or Contract
Lawyers deal with contracts every day. But what, you may be wondering, do contracts have to do with a divorce?
In legal terms, marriage is a contract between two people. But it is one formed between two people who love each other and want to be bonded to one another.
Grandparents’ Rights in a Michigan Divorce
Like a rock thrown into a lake, divorce has a ripple effect. It starts with the spouses, of course, who must work through both the emotional and legal process of separating from someone to whom they had pledged their whole heart for their whole life.
Then, the expanding circle of disturbance touches the children, who have to re-imagine their life split between two parents in two separate houses. And then it ripples out to the extended family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Grandparents and grandchildren, in particular, have a special familial bond. Grandparents, particularly those on the non-custodial parent’s side and those who live far away, may worry about losing touch with their beloved grandkids following a divorce.
Negotiating Grandparenting Time in an Amicable Divorce Situation
Division of Retirement Accounts a Growing Concern in Divorce
Most Americans can expect to live for about 15 to 20 years after their retirement. But are we saving enough to live comfortably in retirement? Among families with income in the 50th percentile and above, over 80 percent at least have some type of retirement account, such as an IRA, 401(k), or defined-benefit pension plan. That is a good start, but most are not saving enough.
A recent survey found that just 40 percent of those aged 35-54 and just 50 percent of those age 55+ have over $100,000 in retirement savings. By most accounts, this is not nearly enough, even considering the addition of Social Security payments. According to a recent Harvard Business Review article, a median income worker can only expect their Social Security payments (after Medicare premiums) to equal 29 percent of pre-retirement income.
Hence, it is important to highlight the need to make sure retirement accounts are equitably divided in a divorce. It is all too easy to focus on pressing issues like child support and what happens to your house, and possibly miss out on what is due to you from a spouse’s employer-held 401(k) or pension plan.
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