If you have been helping to raise your spouse’s children for some time now, you probably consider them “your” children already, even if they are not “yours” biologically and legally. Obviously, you cannot do anything about the biological part. But have you thought about legally adopting your stepchildren?
Benefits of Stepparent Adoption
You might choose to adopt your spouse’s child for any or all of these reasons:
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Are you thinking about a divorce, but are unsure if you want to be the one to actually start the legal process? This might tip you into action: The spouse who files for divorce first has several advantages over the other spouse.
1. Choosing the Court Location
When you file for divorce, you must do it in the state and county where you currently live. Suppose that you currently live in Oakland County, Michigan, and the person you are divorcing has recently moved to Illinois. If you file first, your divorce will be handled in the Oakland County court. But if your spouse files first, your divorce will be handled by a court in Illinois, which could prove very inconvenient for you.
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In the rom-com movie “Sweet Home Alabama,” Melanie (played by Reese Witherspoon) wants a divorce, but Jake (Josh Lucas) has refused to sign the papers for seven years. While Hollywood movies are not always known for their realism, this particular plot point may leave many wondering: could a resistant spouse really hold up a divorce proceeding for that long, just by refusing to sign a piece of paper?
In Michigan, you may be relieved to know, the short answer is “no.” If one spouse wants a divorce, the other spouse cannot prevent it. If your spouse refuses to participate in the process, your divorce can be finalized within a matter of months.
Signatures Required for a Michigan Divorce
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Most married people naturally assume that they will have some warning of marital problems--a discussion about marriage counseling, perhaps, or mention of a trial separation--before anyone actually takes legal action. Yet quite a few people are completely surprised when they are served with divorce papers.
What should you do if your spouse files for divorce unexpectedly? Here are three things you can do after being served with Michigan divorce papers:
1. Give Yourself a Little Breathing Space
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The vast majority of divorcing and divorced spouses do not want to fight. However, a dynamic of disagreeableness, once started, can be very tough to change. If you are in this situation, what can you do? We have two suggestions for you.
First, consider working with an attorney who practices collaborative law. This practice was developed to help couples resolve highly contentious issues in a divorce without having to resort to litigation, where key decisions about the couple’s future get made by a judge.
Collaborative Divorce Starts With an Agreement, or Contract
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Like a rock thrown into a lake, divorce has a ripple effect. It starts with the spouses, of course, who must work through both the emotional and legal process of separating from someone to whom they had pledged their whole heart for their whole life.
Then, the expanding circle of disturbance touches the children, who have to re-imagine their life split between two parents in two separate houses. And then it ripples out to the extended family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Grandparents and grandchildren, in particular, have a special familial bond. Grandparents, particularly those on the non-custodial parent’s side and those who live far away, may worry about losing touch with their beloved grandkids following a divorce.
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Most Americans can expect to live for about 15 to 20 years after their retirement. But are we saving enough to live comfortably in retirement? Among families with income in the 50th percentile and above, over 80 percent at least have some type of retirement account, such as an IRA, 401(k), or defined-benefit pension plan. That is a good start, but most are not saving enough.
A recent survey found that just 40 percent of those aged 35-54 and just 50 percent of those age 55+ have over $100,000 in retirement savings. By most accounts, this is not nearly enough, even considering the addition of Social Security payments. According to a recent Harvard Business Review article, a median income worker can only expect their Social Security payments (after Medicare premiums) to equal 29 percent of pre-retirement income.
Hence, it is important to highlight the need to make sure retirement accounts are equitably divided in a divorce. It is all too easy to focus on pressing issues like child support and what happens to your house, and possibly miss out on what is due to you from a spouse’s employer-held 401(k) or pension plan.
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First marriages tend to be colored by the innocent blush of first love and all the fun of planning a big wedding and choosing cakes, dresses, dinner menus, and flowers. Second marriages, on the other hand, are often shaded with more doubts and concerns, particularly on the financial front. Consider the following issues that second-marriage partners should discuss, sooner rather than later.
Obligations Related to Prior Marriages
It is not uncommon for one or both partners in a second-marriage situation to have debts, child support, and/or spousal support obligations from a prior marriage. Remarriage may also be a reason to revisit and possibly modify modify support obligations and parenting time agreements, particularly if the remarriage also involves a change of residence and/or job.
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Is it still true that “Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage?” According to the latest U.S. Census statistics, love and marriage do not go together as much as they once did.
What Percentage of Americans Are Married?
U.S. Census data shows that the percentage of Americans over age 15 living in matrimony has declined over the past 20 years, from 56 percent in 1997 to 52 percent in 2017. Even if you only count adults age 20-64, you still get a 52 percent married rate.
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How deep is the relationship between people and their pets? Just consider some of the terms you hear these days: Pet parents, dog mom, even grand-dog. Additionally, most of us have seen at least one car window with a sticker saying “Fur Babies on Board” or “My dog is smarter than your honor student.”
National statistics back up the bumper stickers. A 2016 survey reported that 68 percent of U.S. households have at least one pet (a figure which has been trending upward for over two decades), and 84 percent of pet owners now think of themselves as pet parents rather than pet owners.
Therefore, not surprisingly, “Who gets the pets?” has become an increasingly contentious issue in divorces, as emotions over pets can run high, even in an otherwise uncontested divorce. Devoted pet parents may be shocked to learn that virtually all state divorce laws still treat pets as mere property to be divided, like a TV and the lawn mower. However, this is beginning to change.
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When one parent fails to pay child support or cooperate with the court-ordered parenting time schedule, it creates a sad situation for the child as well as conflict between the parents. For the benefit of all, it is best to address non-compliance issues quickly and not let them drag on. In Michigan, the Friend of the Court (FOC) office of your local circuit court has primary responsibility for enforcement of child-related court orders.
Failure to Pay Child Support in Michigan
To help ensure accurate and consistent records, Michigan handles child support payments electronically, with all payments made to and disbursed by the Michigan State Disbursement Unit (MisDU). In most cases, the court that handles your divorce will issue an income withholding order. This requires the payer’s employer to withhold (and forward to MisDU) the required amount of child support from the person’s paycheck. Self-employed payers will make payments directly to MiSDU.
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For a divorcing couple with minor children, the process of developing financial support and co-parenting agreements that meet the needs of the whole family can be both complicated and exhausting.
Once it is done, you hope the original agreement will work until the children reach majority, but then fate intervenes. Parents may relocate, change jobs, have their working hours modified, have a significant change in income, or be stricken by a serious illness. Children may change schools, have ever-changing extracurricular activity schedules, or develop new medical issues. These are just a few of the many reasons that may necessitate a revision of your existing child-care agreement.
How Child Care Agreements are Documented in a Divorce
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When working through a divorce, it is common to feel lonely and wonder how you will cope on your own. Moreover, if you have children to care for, worrying about how you will manage the new complexities of divided childcare costs and parenting time is natural.
While every family’s situation is unique, stepping back and looking at statewide outcomes and trends can provide a helpful perspective.
Michigan Marriage and Divorce Numbers
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Divorcing couples with minor children will quickly become familiar with multiple government agencies, including:
These three government units each play an important role in ensuring that Michigan children of unmarried/divorced parents receive the best possible care and financial support. Consider the following simple overview to help you understand the role that these agencies will play during and after your divorce.
The Family Division of the Local Circuit Court
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The longer you have been married and the more assets you have accumulated, the more complicated it will be to unweave the financial and logistical fabric of your married life. Additionally, once you officially file for divorce, you can quickly find yourself caught up in a tsunami of paperwork, meetings, and emotions. Therefore, it is important to take some preparatory steps before filing for divorce.
Organize Documentation
Begin to Separate Your Financial Affairs From Your Spouse’s
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If you are a member of a high net worth family and accustomed to a certain standard of living, a divorce can post a significant threat to your assets and lifestyle. To protect your best interests, you should understand the unique risks and challenges you may face in a high asset divorce.
Take the Time and Get the Advice to Do It Right
You may want to get your divorce over with as quickly as possible, so you can move on to the next phase of your life. You may not want to devote a lot of time to the process, as you may run a business that requires most of your attention or have a job that requires a lot of time away from home.
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Nearly 40 percent of all Michigan babies are born to unmarried parents (figures for 2014–2016). Yet, despite how common it is, the birth of a child to unmarried parents creates some complex legal issues, and misconceptions abound.
For example, a single mother might assume she can establish legal paternity without the father’s agreement, just by filling in a father’s name on the birth certificate. Or, an unmarried father might assume that informally paying some of the child’s expenses is enough to “earn” him the legal rights of a father, such as the right to spend time with the child and share in parenting decisions. However, under Michigan law, both assumptions are incorrect.
Consider three important factors that all unmarried mothers and fathers should know about the Michigan laws that govern paternity, child support, and parenting time.
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Spousal support, also known as alimony, presents some of the toughest questions in a divorce settlement. Should one spouse have to make monthly support payments to the other after the divorce, and if so, in what amount and for how long?
How Alimony is Determined in Michigan
Under Michigan state law, there is no given formula for calculating the amount and term of spousal support payments. Instead, the spouses and their attorneys may either decide this amongst themselves or leave it to a judge to decide.
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Is the collaborative divorce process the ideal choice for everyone? As with most “all or nothing” questions, the answer is “no.” The collaborative approach is now considered the best option for many if not most divorcing couples, but not for all.
To determine if a collaborative divorce is right for you, consider the following yay/nay factors.
1. Threatening Behaviors
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Legal shows on TV usually depict divorcing spouses with their attorneys on opposite sides of a table, fighting over who gets the beach house or the dog, or accusing one another of lying. It always seems to end with one side storming out and declaring “I will see you in court.”
Thankfully, most divorces are not “as seen on TV.” Nonetheless, many divorces are burdened with conflicting values and interests that must be worked through along with the logistical issues of asset division, bill paying, and child care.
What is Different About the Collaborative Divorce Process?
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